If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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