Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
