how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
