Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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