I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
