please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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