When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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