the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
