can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
