i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
