Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
