After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
