im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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