That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize