Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
should my penis look like a turkey
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My breasts were aching with rage.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
