That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
