it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
