i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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