i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
