some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
