Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
