oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize