im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
