Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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