i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's shark week go big or go home
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
