Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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