It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
