I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
