i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
