My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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