Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I pour the whiskey from now on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
