i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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