I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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