I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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