I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
