Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
