i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I FOUND THE LEGS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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