Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
