It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize