dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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