The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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