Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize