So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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