How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
