i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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