btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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