How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize