U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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