I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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