I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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