First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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