Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
