I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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