Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
