I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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