my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
