Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
now i know why i became what i already was.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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