you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
