Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
