He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
