You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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