she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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