i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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