I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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