Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize