is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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