This is not my ceiling
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
