Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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