if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Semen is not good for contacts.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
