matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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