and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
