can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
