i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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