He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
