Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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