I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
