We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
