why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
