Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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