Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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