I think I won the penis lottery.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
