you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
