i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize