he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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