i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
