I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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