I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my being single is dangerous.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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