She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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