she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
